Maggie Nelson’s use of propositions is unique and
experimental – I’ve never read anything quite like it. This short staccato form
allows her to jump from one idea to the next without losing credibility or
meaning, in fact the style frames the story in a way that heavily contributes
to the meaning. With such short stories and anecdotes, we can see as readers
that her mind isn’t set to one particular take on her feelings. In some cases,
a numbered passage from her is only one sentence or thought, like in 75 where
she writes, “Mostly I have felt myself becoming a servant of sadness. I am
still looking for the beauty in that” (28 – 29). She leaves us with this
strong, emotional statement and then doesn’t elaborate on it further. We expect
this, of course, because the form freely allows her to do this at her will. It
works for statements like these that are meant to stand alone, to let us think,
to stick with us even as we leave the passage behind and move right along to
number 76.
Another
interesting result of these series of propositions is that they can all stand
alone as separate ideas, yet when strung together they craft a beautiful
extended metaphor of loneliness and reminiscence portrayed through the
connotations associated with the color blue, alongside Nelson’s interpretation
of the color and feelings associated with it. I also think that the short,
intense anecdotes could parallel Nelson’s relationship with the “blue prince”
who keeps popping up throughout the story. Their relationship is over, but from
what she explains, it was brief, intense, and unforgettable as well.
I imagine
that Nelson’s life is much like her relationship with the blue prince and her
writing style. Short, intense feelings of emotion, but at the same time it is
only a hazy glimpse at the turmoil happening beneath the surface. It seems like
Nelson attempts to hide her life and the depth of her emotions, even though her
friends know generally that Maggie is depressed, just as we do as readers.
An example
of how Nelson hints at the depression is proposition number 229 where she
writes, “I am writing all this down in blue ink, so as to remember that all
words, not just some, are written in water” (92). Although Nelson does not
blatantly tell the audience that she cries while writing some of these
propositions, we can infer that when she says water she actually means tears.
She is letting us know that every word of this novella has underlying
sadness beneath it.
But I think
that Nelson sums up the connection between her life and writing perfectly
herself. In number 215, she begins by writing, “It often happens that we treat
pain as if it were the only real thing, or at least the most real thing when it comes round, everything before it, around
it, and, perhaps, in front of it, tends to seem fleeting, delusional” (87). All
of her writing is under the veil of depression and loneliness. Nothing else can
surpass it because of how real and overpowering the emotion is. That is why
Nelson’s longing for the blue prince comes up again and again. Every other
moment of her life seems unreal to her, and so she writes about each moment
fleetingly as it passes out of her consciousness.
